


but we are young, we get by (can’t go mad, ain’t got time)

by fiveyaaas



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: (at some points), (it gets a LIL heavy lmao), Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, CLOVER ILY AND I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS, Complicated Relationships, Dialogue Heavy, Does not address s2 at all don’t @ me pls, F/M, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Graphic descriptions of y2k fashion, Guilt, Heavy Angst, I posted this without editing so uh RIP, Mutual Pining, Older Man/Younger Woman, Oral Sex, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Title taken from alright by supergrass, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tragically Pining Idiots, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, and fiveya discuss murdering reg while fuccing, diego wears a velour tracksuit, five casually mentions cheating the stock market, he WOULD lbr, in the making of this fic, in their bodies in 2003, no worms on a string were harmed, or well technically they’re 30-smth and 60-smth, so i guess???, spread out after the years after they land back, they’re 18 when smut happens, truly a ROMANTIC story, with juicy on the ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26452216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: She was as large as the world, but he held the world on his shoulders.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 7
Kudos: 129





	but we are young, we get by (can’t go mad, ain’t got time)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunchime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunchime/gifts).



> This fic is for Clover, who has provided some amazing fanart and fics for the fiveyas, and who specifically drew me some cute childhood Fiveya after I asked 😭😭 also..... the inspiration I was given from the fanart of Klaus dressing them up 🥺🥺 (I hope you yell at one particular word used in here, and pls tell me if you notice it 😭 we share a single braincell, so hopefully you’ll catch it.)
> 
> TECHNICALLY, this was based off a fluff prompt, so uh. Rifp for whatever the fuck this is.

**Age 14**

It had been one year since Five had taken them back to 2003. Vanya was not certain if it was because he wanted them all to suffer living to be thirteen again or if it was unintentional. Nevertheless, everytime she experienced the regular pains of puberty, she wanted to comment about how turning her back to a time when her hormones were at their worst was probably not the best idea in the whole _‘stopping Vanya from experiencing horrible emotions’_ aspect of preventing the apocalypse. 

She appreciated her family, though. They were actually trying this time. Five was present, and Ben was alive. Yeah, they were all quite a bit older than fourteen despite looking entirely like it, but at the very least they were finally united in a common cause. The main cause was the apocalypse, but all of them disliking Reginald this time around was a surprising motivator. 

Vanya laid down on Five’s bed, sprawling out as she waited for him to finish his training for the day. She had snuck out of practicing violin when she felt the cramping, wondering if it had been that awful the first time around or if the medicine she had long since tapered off of had affected it somehow. 

Five materialized, in the process of taking off his jacket before he realized that she was on his bed and scowling at her. “What if I had been naked?”

Vanya frowned at him. “I feel like you teleporting randomly into rooms would make it more likely that you would see someone else naked.”

He grimaced, blinking over to his bed and lifting her legs up to settle onto his thighs. “I have seen too many awful things in my life, don’t remind me.” 

“You could always just knock on doors like normal people.” 

“Says the person who came into my room unannounced!” 

“Your room is more comfortable.” 

Five rolled his eyes. 

“Do you have any ibuprofen hidden somewhere? Or acetaminophen?” 

He settled his palm on her forehead like he was checking for fever. “Are you feeling sick?” 

She blushed. “No, I got my period.”

He nodded, brushing her bangs from her forehead before flashing away in a blue light. 

Three minutes later, he was holding a paper bag with a drug store’s logo. “I didn’t know what to get,” he told her sheepishly. “So there is a variety.”

Vanya glanced down in confusion before groaning. “You paid for all of this right?”

“Yes, you complain if I don’t,” he grumbled. 

“It’s _stealing_ if you don’t.”

“The money I used was stolen from Reginald’s safe, you know.”

“Stealing from billionaires is okay, actually.”

“I can’t argue there.”

She rifled through the bag, finding a variety of feminine hygiene products, chocolates, pain-relievers, and even a heating pad. The tampons and pads were entirely unnecessary as those were provided by Grace, but heating pads and pain relievers and chocolate? “Marry me,” Vanya said, grabbing two acetamenophen tablets and dry-swallowing them. She eyed her best friend, who appeared to be choking on thin air. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he snapped.

Vanya sighed, “Thank you for getting all this. I’ll go back to my room, though, so you can have some privacy.” 

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, great, thanks.” 

She bit her lip, taking the bag with her and stumbling off to her room. 

**Age 15**

Vanya cracked the door to Five’s room, realizing that all of the others were in there. Her shoulders stiffened, starting to back off, but Five caught the movement and told her to come in. 

She flushed, awkwardly fiddling with her fingers behind her back and standing as close to Five’s door as possible. Diego, Klaus, and Ben were sprawled across Five’s bed, practically laying on top of one another. Five sat on top of his desk, threateningly brandishing a clipboard that Luther was frowning at. He and Allison were crowded up on Five’s chair, only capable of doing so because Luther was in a body unaffected by the serum he’d been given in another timeline. 

“What are you guys talking about?”

“You,” Diego offered bluntly. 

Five started to curl his features into a snarl, about to snap at him. Klaus interrupted him, “I feel that we have not done enough bonding in the past few months because of missions.” 

Vanya tugged on her hair nervously. “Okay.”

“And we were offering suggestions on what to do,” Luther continued. “Unfortunately, we have had one particular problem. Which is that, while keeping this person anonymous, has refused every single suggestion given.” 

Vanya grimaced. “Why does this have to do with me?”

“Because Diego is trying to start shit,” Ben told her sagely, earning an elbow to his stomach. “Dammit, Diego, you can’t _do_ that to someone with monsters dwelling in their stomach.”

“Oh, please, like you weren’t-“

“Anyways, we would like to hear your input,” Luther cut in efficiently. 

“There is one particular suggestion that five out of six of us have agreed on,” Allison announced. 

Five sneered. “Through a rigged election.” 

“Diego and Ben finding me beautiful and Luther being in love with Allison isn’t a rigged election. Face it, Five, you’re just mad that voting in this house is a popularity contest.” 

“That’s _exactly_ what I’m irritated with. In fact, the entire argument I just made less than three minutes ago, and I quote, was ‘decisions in this family should be made through logic and not popularity contests, and it irritates me when they aren’t.’” 

“You just hate the idea of a fashion show,” Ben pointed out. 

“Yes, because it’s _moronic-“_

“I think that sounds kind of fun actually,” Vanya mumbled. 

“ _Moronic_ that you guys haven’t ever suggested it before,” Five corrected himself.

“Smooth,” Ben commented dryly. 

“Now that we have seven out of seven votes, it has been decided,” Allison announced. “Which, by the way, according to the rules of majority, we’d have been able to do this _without_ either Vanya or Five agreeing.” 

“Alright, Five, you have to take us to the thrift store now,” Klaus beamed. Five looked like he might murder him. “It’s a good thing 2005 was _the_ year to be emo because we all know you’d have been an emo in 2005 if you hadn’t fucked off to the apocalypse or whatever.” 

“I didn’t _‘fuck off to the apocalypse’,”_ Five snapped. “And I would _never_ be an emo.” 

“I don’t know man, it was kind of all the rage,” Ben shrugged. “Or… it is kind of all the rage. We really ought to stop making that mistake.”

“Bedazzling is back in style,” Allison whispered reverently. “Juicy Couture velour tracksuits. So many layers. Platform heels. Pink feathers. Uggs. Flair jeans. The pinnacle of fashion, truly.” 

“I think we should step back to the ‘would Five be emo?’ debate,” Diego argued, still apparently trying to start shit. “I, for one, think he would have.”

“That’s because you’re a moron,” Five seethed. 

“Hating your father, writing angst-y poems, wearing too much eyeliner?” Klaus mused. “I could see it, honestly.”

“That’s three for Five being ‘emo,’” Luther said, writing it down after snatching the clipboard from Five’s hand. “Do we have any more? Also, the fashion show debate has passed with a unanimous ‘yes,’ but Allison already alerted everyone…”

“I think Five might have been preppy in fashion,” Allison said, gesturing to Five as she spoke. “He gives off that Gossip Girl, rich boy vibe. However, while he may not have been emo in style, though he certainly could be, I think we can all agree he’d be emo in _spirit,_ which, to me, decides emo.” 

“Nah, he’d dress emo,” Diego remarked. “If only to wear eyeliner that makes his eyes pop.” 

“I could see that actually,” Luther sized up Five, who was frothing at the mouth. 

Vanya stepped in, recognizing Five was liable to attack at any instant. “I think you’d look really good in eyeliner, Five!” 

“Jesus Christ, Luther, just add it to the list,” Five groaned, like they had all forced him to wear eyeliner. 

Luther flipped to a separate page on his clipboard, presumably writing a list of things Five had to grab for all of them.

“What if we just go to the thrift store together?” Vanya asked. “If we’re getting makeup though, we’ll have to go somewhere else too, but we could make a day of it! Reginald is out of town this weekend with Pogo. We could each pick outfits for one another. It could be fun!”

Five glowered at the rest of them, like they had already disagreed. “I will let all of you pick out whatever you want me to wear if you agree.”

Allison and Klaus looked like they had just been given golden tickets. Ben, Diego, and Luther quickly agreed after seeing their excitement. 

That Saturday, they all gathered at a thrift store, each picking out outfits for Five. It was quickly becoming a contest to how awful they could make Five look, but Vanya searched diligently for something he might actually like. They’d also drawn names for which person they got to pick clothes for. Klaus had gotten her. She had gotten Luther. Luther had gotten Ben. Ben had gotten Diego. Diego had gotten Allison. Allison had gotten Klaus. Five had free reign to pick an outfit for each of them, which Vanya was 98% sure just meant he would wordlessly hand each of them an Academy uniform with a smirk. 

Vanya found something that looked comfortable for Luther, imagining he wouldn’t want something super showy (despite Klaus insisting that was the point.) Vanya was pretty sure he was much more comfortable in his body now, which made her happy, but she imagined he’d prefer something a little more casual than what Klaus would inevitably pick out for her. She found a pair of khaki cargo shorts that Allison glared so heavily at that it prompted Vanya to apologetically grab a blue v-neck and a black-and-white checked scarf. Allison was about to comment, but Five swooped in and dragged Vanya off before she could. He pointedly handed Vanya a pair of gray crocs in Luther’s size, a sadistic grin on his face as he gave them to her. 

“You’re actually picking out clothes for people?” Vanya asked, gesturing to the bags he was holding. 

He shrugged. “I bought them already. You’ll see them all tonight. What’d you pick out for Luther?”

Vanya lifted up Luther’s outfit sheepishly. 

“No wonder Allison was pissed,” Five remarked. “It looks comfortable though, so I think he’ll like it.” 

Ben walked up to them, lifting up two garrish selections. “Question, would Diego look better in a red velour tracksuit that has ‘Juicy’ across the ass? Or this dress over jeans combo that would make Hannah Montana proud?”

“Hannah Montana doesn’t exist yet,” Vanya reminded him. 

“That sounds like a pornstar name,” Five said, apparently never having learned of Miley Cyrus during his time working for the Commission. 

“Velour tracksuit it is, no thanks to you two.” 

“We both knew it was pointless when you clearly had your heart set on one of them.” 

Ben made a betrayed noise and stomped off, presumably to find Klaus, who had said that Vanya was not to find out what he had prepared for her until tonight. 

Diego walked by, staring at them intently. “What did Ben get me?”

“Hopefully something better than what you’ve gotten Allison,” Five said. “What _is_ that?”

“It’s a very iconic look for 2005,” Diego snapped. “I put a lot of thought into it, and Allison would actually very much enjoy it.” 

“Did they not have _taste_ in 2005?” 

“You don’t have _taste.”_

Vanya, worried how this would end with Five having just learned the phrase _‘your mom’_ and Diego being a momma’s boy, interrupted, “It actually would be something she’d really like, Five.” 

Five backed off, but Diego glared at him, maintaining eye contact as he gathered purple skinny jeans, a studded belt, and a Paramore t-shirt and mouthing ‘emo.’ Vanya attempted to soothe her best friend by finding a combination of clothes she could actually see him enjoying- a combination of comfortable, practical and formal in the khaki trousers, royal blue pull-over sweater, and a white dress shirt he could wear underneath it. 

They each bought their picks separately before running to the drug store to pick out make-up and hair products. 

When they were all carrying an egregious amount of purchases that Reginald had unknowingly funded in having a safe Five could jump into, Five jumped them all back to his own room. 

Klaus snatched Vanya’s elbow, dragging her off. Allison followed. Vanya had never been close to Klaus before then, but he was _trying_ to be friendlier to her in this timeline. Allison and Vanya, despite everything, had buried the hatchet in the first year after going back in time. Vanya had never gotten to know what sisterhood felt like before then, and she appreciated her sister now more than ever. 

Klaus grabbed an eyeshadow pallet. “You’re about to look like a teen star before their first public meltdown, little sister.” 

Vanya frowned at Allison apprehensively, who shrugged. Klaus set to work, and Vanya was unsettled to say Klaus was entirely accurate in his description. She was pretty certain the movie _Mean Girls_ had inspired her outfit- a light blue gingham skirt that probably would have been a little longer if it wasn’t poofed up so much, a baby pink spaghetti-strapped tank top, and a white cardigan. Her hair was relatively the same except offset to one shoulder with her bangs clipped to the opposite side with a barette that looked like a butterfly. 

Allison, for Klaus, had genuinely bedazzled orange spirals on a denim vest for him to wear over the black tube top and bright orange tiered mini-skirt. He matched the god-awful eye-shadow decisions, saying that they had to be a united front as this night was for solidarity.

Diego told Allison to handle her own make-up, but he tossed her the outfit. It truly did showcase the best parts of fashion in 2005, with the hot pink chunky heels, the white satin slip dress, and a teal feathered boa. Allison matched eyeshadow with the coloring of the outfit, styling hair back with two butterfly-shaped barrettes to match Vanya’s. 

When they reached Five’s room, having all unanimously decided that Five had to wear the aggressively 2005 emo outfit Diego picked out for him first, now accentuated with spiked bracelets that her best friend seemed to be assessing on their practicality as far as weaponry went. Apparently, none of the others knew how to apply eyeliner, so he looked like a very disgruntled racoon. 

Luther looked genuinely happy to be wearing the most normal of any of the outfits, and he kept excitedly talking about how cargo pants should have really been a part of the Academy mission uniform because they could be made into shorts at a moment’s notice _and_ had many pockets. Allison glared distastefully at his crocs. 

Ben, who Luther had gotten, was clearly actually dressed by Allison, who had many qualms with Ben’s need to wear black. He was now wearing a very colorful arrangement of navy blue pants, an ivory dress shirt, and a yellow blazer. When he commented that he was pretty sure this wasn’t supposed to be in style yet, Allison told him primly that neither were black hoodies over black jeans _ever._

Diego looked very annoyed with the world in a velour tracksuit. However, when Allison told him, ‘you know the writing on your ass says ‘juicy,’ right?’ Diego glared at her and told her she was just mad that he could pull off Juicy Couture better than her. 

Five scowled at all of them. “You’ve seen Diego’s selection for me. What do I have to wear now?” 

“You’re supposed to twirl around and show yourself off a bit,” Ben jeered. Five looked like he might bite him, the similarities rising between feral raccoons and him in that moment. 

“I never agreed to that,” he griped. 

“We have all decided, without you or Vanya, the order in which you will get to change. Vanya’s pick for you was atrocious, so we figured you guys could handle that in the private fashion show between you two later,” Klaus said, winking at Five, whose ears turned pink. Vanya glanced at him in confusion, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze. 

“First, you will get Luther’s outfit choice, which is actually Allison’s,” Ben gestured to a pile of clothes on his desk. There were four separate stacks there, Vanya’s picks for him not beside them. “Then mine, followed by Allison’s, and then Klaus’s for the finale.” 

Five rolled his eyes, picking at his nails. “Anything else?” 

“Bro, just be glad the nerd obsession hasn’t happened _quite_ yet,” Diego insisted. “Pretty soon, people will start saying _‘epic fail’_ and plucking the lenses from their sunglasses to convey that they’re introverted or something.” 

“A regretful moment in pop culture,” Klaus admitted. “Side note: do you guys think Five knows about ‘Gangnam Style’? That’s coming in what? Seven years?” 

Five, who hated when they talked about his lack of pop culture knowledge, scowled. 

“Does Five know about Harambe?” 

“Doubtful.”

Vanya walked over to him, leaning on his shoulder. “They’re just being jerks, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not.” 

“Don’t be grumpy to _me.”_

“I’m not.”

She elbowed him, and he rested his chin on the top of her head, probably deeply enjoying that he was taller than her, despite every one of them aging down, she imagined it still bothered him to be in such a foreign body. She sometimes wanted to ask what he looked like when he got older, but she didn’t know if it was appropriate to ask. “How long do you think it’ll be before they forget I have to change clothes and are at one another’s throats?” Five asked, pulling her against him in a friendly embrace. She ignored Klaus and Allison wolf-whistling at it. 

“Two of the outfits have skirts,” Vanya mused. “I would bet they could pull themselves together if it means seeing you in a skirt.” 

He shrugged. “I always wondered about the practicality of skirts, honestly.”

Vanya giggled, and she could sense him smiling above her. 

Upon Luther asking him to, Five scooped up the outfits, blinking away presumably to change into the one Allison had gotten for Luther. About thirty seconds later, he materialized in front of them, scowling over at Allison. “I look like a contestant on _American Idol.”_

“How do you know _American Idol_ but you don’t know Hannah Montana?” Ben asked. 

“One, it aired before I went to the apocalypse, and, two, Vanya explained it to me last week when I asked what a Ryan Seacrest was.”

“Who,” Vanya corrected gently. 

“Yeah, right, _who,”_ Five grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. 

In Five’s defense, the description fit. He was wearing blue bootcut jeans, steel-toed boots, and a very loud button-down. “What was the reason for picking this outfit, Allison?” Vanya asked.

“The idea was that it would be more believable that Luther would get it,” she admitted. “Not the best decision, I’ll admit.” 

“Alright, well, I’m not wearing this a second longer,” Five announced, flitting off and returning in a similar outfit, Ben’s pick, except instead of the unflattering button down, Ben had chosen a black hoodie. He’d also made the jeans black. 

“This honestly feels pretty emo too,” Vanya mused. “The eye-liner really makes the look.”

Five wiped self-consciously at his eyes, blinking out without anybody else’s commentary. When he came back, all of them whistled, except Vanya, who felt her face heat up.

Five did not seem to care at all what Allison had dressed him in, pressing a hand boredly to his hip and staring confidently at all of them, like he was threatening to hear them make a comment. Allison had chosen an aquamarine-colored, long, pirate-like boho skirt that had been popular for a minute, pairing it with a cropped tube top that looked super itchy, and some very jeweled flip-flops. 

“I don’t think it suits him,” Ben commented. “The Klaus one is more _Gossip Girl-chic,_ which I think might fit better.” 

Five slinked off, clearly undamaged by Ben’s comment and seeming somehow even more self-assured than before. When he came back eight minutes later, in Klaus’s costume and no eye make-up, he told them all, “The other was more practical for storing weapons.” 

“You matched him with me,” Vanya noticed, turning to Klaus with a flush. 

Obviously, the idea was the same. Five was wearing a red and black, plaid, ruffled skirt that hiked up mid-thigh, much shorter than the skirt Allison had chosen. Klaus had included a simple plain black shirt with it and a black choker. He’d also gotten a red headband that Five did not pull his hair back with, so it lay on his head like a crown. He stared distastefully at Klaus, settling a hand on his hip, very much looking the part of a mean girl. 

“Please stand by Vanya,” Klaus said, pulling a disposable camera out of the jacket of Diego’s velour tracksuit that he clearly hadn’t noticed. 

Five’s left eye twitched, but he obliged when he saw Vanya’s reproachful look. He slung an arm around her shoulder, flashing what was too threatening to be a grin to Klaus, who was pointing a bright green, disposable _Fujifilm_ camera at them, flicking the flash on and running his thumb over the wheel that set off a distinctive rattling noise to prepare the camera. 

“How’d you get the eyeliner off?” Vanya asked as Klaus went through the motions.

“Vaseline, cotton balls, and will-power.”

“Say cheese!” Klaus interrupted them.

Five’s eyes flashed when the camera did, and Vanya was pretty certain she would look concerned in the picture if the camera ever was developed. 

“You have clothes for us?” Vanya prompted. He inhaled, clearly regretting what he chose, which made a wave of apprehension settle over her. He went off to grab his thrift shop bags, spilling the contents out onto his bed. 

It was all clothes they would have chosen for themselves if they hadn’t had to live in the Academy. Black hoodies and jeans for Ben and Diego, a variety of colorful clothes for Allison and Klaus, and comfortable lumberjack-like flannels for Luther and Vanya. 

Vanya sighed gratefully at the sight of the flannels, picking one of the tiny ones meant for her and settling her cheek against the soft fabric. “I forgot how much I missed these,” she sighed. 

Klaus was flicking through his pile confusedly. “Is Five… _nice?”_

“No, Klaus,” Five snarled. 

“This is so sweet, Five.”

“Shut _up,_ Allison.”

“Five is actually a teddy bear of an old man.”

“I will _skin_ you, Diego.”

“Five Hargreeves _looks_ like a cinnamon roll and _is_ a cinnamon roll.” 

“What does that even mean, Ben?”

“Thank you, Five.” 

_“Fuck_ off, Luther.”

Vanya hugged him, “Thank you, Five, you’re sweet.” 

She sensed his glare at all of them over her head, but he murmured in her ear, “Anytime, Vanya.” 

**Age 16**

Five landed beside her bed at about 2:30 AM. She had struggled to sleep that night, so she was grateful for a distraction. 

Or she would have been if Five had not been crying. 

“What’s wrong?” Vanya asked, instinctively lifting the covers. They had a standing agreement with one another that they were to always go to one another’s rooms when they needed each other, but they hadn’t much in the past year. Vanya just assumed it was because his nightmares got better. Evidently, they hadn’t. 

Five shook his head as he crawled onto her bed, silently explaining he couldn’t speak quite yet. She reached over to hug him to her, but she halted her actions, asking, “Is it okay if I hug you?”

He nodded, swiping the back of his hand self-consciously over his wet face. 

“It’s a panic attack,” Vanya reminded him softly. “You can’t control it. No need to be ashamed.”

He nodded weakly, letting her cuddle up to him. She scratched his scalp, breathing exaggeratedly for him to follow her own breathing subconsciously. There really wasn’t anything Five could do about what he was going through under Reginald’s thumb, and Vanya wasn’t entirely certain he’d want to either way. She remembered how he had refused therapy when he’d first landed in 2019, and she wondered if he would now. He had gotten a little less stubborn since then, but the thought of Five willingly sitting in a room with someone he didn’t know hearing all he had experienced in his life still did _not_ correspond. 

When his breathing had gotten under control, and he was able to speak, he told her, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” she assured. “What caused it?”

He looked sick. “Nightmare.”

There were only a few things in particular he could have had a nightmare about. She wouldn’t pry, but she kept scratching his scalp silently, giving him the option to continue if he wanted. 

“Do you ever have them about…” he trailed off. She settled her chin on his chest, looking up at him. She lifted her hand up, allowing him to grip onto it for the comfort, which prompted him to continue his train of thought. “Do you ever get nightmares? About… the apocalypse?”

She bit her lip. “Yeah. It can be hard for me... to remember, that is. That night is foggy a lot of times. Was your nightmare about the apocalypse, I guess?”

“No,” he mumbled, voice filled with remorse. “No, it wasn’t.” 

He’d dreamed of killing her. 

“Oh,” Vanya said, stomach turning. She pulled away, her own guilt making her nauseous. When she’d stumbled out of the bed, ready to run to the bathroom, she spared one glance at Five, who was staring at her in horror. 

He teleported from her room and she tripped over her feet to the restroom and she heard the panic attack he had, away from her. 

Five still wanted to kill her.

She really had lost her best friend.

**Age 17**

There’s a funny thing about losing the person one considers a best friend. There are plenty of stories out there of losing someone people are _romantically_ involved with, but Vanya had never really experienced a loss like that. 

In her time with Leonard, she had experienced loss more so in that she’d lost the person _she_ had been before him. Vanya knew, on some level, she had always been the same person, but it had been so easy to think of herself as something much smaller. She had never thought she could destroy the world, but she had. From the time she had been locked in that cage as a toddler, she had adjusted herself to the confines of those walls. When she was a small child, she had known herself to be as big as the world, but when she had been put inside of her entrapment, she had adjusted her sizing. When Allison’s rumor had washed over her, she had adjusted more. Vanya never grew more than the size of a four year old’s body, content to stay small, lest the cage be around her again and she needed just a little more room. 

And then the spell had worn off. And the cage had exploded to dust. And then the world became dust. And she lost her best friend under the piles of detritus. 

The night that Five had left her room was the last night she had felt safe to be herself with him. 

When she started to open her mouth, to joke and tease him, she’d turn around, and he wouldn’t be by her side. And she’d let herself shrink just a little more. 

In the time Five and Vanya had been separated for years, there was at least enough of a gap between them, both spatially and temporally, that they could seek comfort in the knowledge that they would choose to be near each other if they could. 

He did not leave again. Why would he? He had a duty to the world, even if it meant being around what he despised. Five cared too much for their family to leave. He would shoulder this discomfort as he shouldered his family and as he shouldered the fate of the world.

She let herself shrink. Partially, she wanted a weight to be off of him. Partially, she didn’t think he’d want to be her friend if she was fully herself. So she knelt within the confines of soundless walls, so she let herself grow smaller, so they wouldn’t feel like they would close in, so they wouldn’t pierce her for taking up too much space.

But the cage would burst again. One day.

She was as large as the world, and she would one day stop trying to coil herself up because she could only coil herself so far, and she would spring up until the world became detritus again. 

She was as large as the world, but he held the world on his shoulders. 

**Age 18**

_“Vanya, wake up,”_ Five’s impatient voice reverberated through her skull. She’d done it again. She’d killed them all. He had found her body among the rubble, was shaking her, nails digging into her shoulders. He was going to kill her while she was too weak to even be fully conscious. 

_“Goddammit, Vanya, don’t make me do this.”_

She whimpered, trying to open her eyes, but she could feel them burning. 

_“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”_

She braced herself for him to kill her, wondering how long he’d draw it out, so when she felt water being poured on her, she was… startled, to say the least. 

“What the fuck, Five?” Vanya snapped. 

“The walls were shaking,” he said defensively, hopping off of her pajama-clad body. She realized she had been caged between his thighs, feeling her blush and thankful it was dark out and Five didn’t have super-powered vision. “You wouldn’t wake up, so I improvised.” 

Five kept leaning his head to try to get Vanya to meet his gaze, but she stared resolutely to the left of wherever his head was. She was aware that this tactic had not been employed by either of them since they were six years old and Five had refused to engage in a staring contest, but she couldn’t bring herself to care that she was acting, as Five had called her at six, “childish.” 

“Jesus _Christ,_ Vanya, just look at me.” 

She did, making sure her eyes were glowing the bluish-white that would make him shut up. He didn’t.

“Do you need me to stay?” Five offered. 

She sneered, “Yes, Five, I want _you_ to stay.” Vanya figured if she said it in a scathing and sarcastic enough tone, he would not notice that she actually meant it. 

He flinched away, meaning he did. Good. She started to lay back down, and he clenched his fists, gathering energy, presumably to jump back to his room. 

And then he stopped, letting the light leave his fists. “I miss you, V.”

Bitterness struck her chest, and she wanted, more than anything, to lash out at him. “I live in the same house as you, Five. You haven’t killed me yet.” 

Five’s heart was hammering in his chest, probably annoyed with her again, probably considering wringing her neck and leaving her for dead in a soundless chamber. “Vanya, I wouldn’t hurt you, you know that.”

She knew he wouldn’t kill the Vanya he had grown up with. He wouldn’t kill the Vanya who was powerless. He wouldn’t kill the Vanya who followed him around like a dutiful puppy. He wouldn't kill the Vanya that lived under a haze of drugs and manipulations. He wouldn’t kill the Vanya who he had intended to come home to when he’d gotten her instead. 

It was guilt, really, that drove her from ever confronting it. She felt guilt that she would’ve been so corrupted from his image that he’d fantasize about her death at night. 

There was a _bit_ of resentment, too. 

“You already tried to kill me,” she reminded him.

Five tripped over his feet trying to reach her bed. He’d been standing by her door and, in his haste to get to her, had stumbled. He reached for her hands, but he halted before he could touch them, flexing his fingers before shoving them behind his back. 

“You would’ve died anyways,” he insisted. “Vanya, I understand you’re _mad,_ but-“

“I’m _mad?”_ Vanya struggled to keep her volume down, well-aware the cameras already were picking up on this. “You think I’m simply _mad_ about this? You have abandoned me for the past year-“

“That’s not fair, V.”

“You want to talk about _fair?”_ Her eyes were likely still glowing, and her skin had the sheen now. “Is that what you want to talk about right now, Five?”

“No.”

She frowned at him, caught off-guard from the soliloquy she had been preparing. She tried to convey the annoyance at his distraction in her next words. “Then, what do you want to talk about?” 

He inhaled sharply. “Something I should’ve addressed a while ago.”

“You’re not seriously trying to change the subject here, are you?”

“Vanya,” he reached for her hands again but snapped his hands away. He settled for kneeling on the ground beside her bed, wringing his hands together anxiously. “I have to tell you something, and we can talk about whatever you need after… I just can’t keep this in any longer-“

“Oh, great, are you about to profess your undying love for me?” Vanya snarked.

“Yes, I am.” 

She blinked. _“What?”_

“It’s why I’ve been avoiding you,” he explained. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you being afraid of me, so I’ve kept my distance. I saw you having that nightmare, and I just… obviously, you’re going through a lot, and I don’t _ever_ expect anything from you…”

He seemed like he was desperately hoping Vanya would interject and get the projectile word vomiting to stop, but Vanya was too stunned to do much other than open her mouth and close it repeatedly. Gulping, Five continued, “I don’t want you to be afraid of me, but I understand it. I didn’t think you _had_ been until that night, but, obviously, I wasn’t paying attention well enough. Also, me being in love with you isn’t the _only_ thing I want to talk about, obviously, but… I do, uh,... I mean, I am… Fuck.”

Usually, Vanya had no trouble believing Five was a killer, that he was different from the person who left the first time they had been thirteen. 

As it was, in that moment, seeing him struggle to say he was in love with her despite indirectly saying it twice before, reminded her that he was still very much there. 

“Five?” Vanya was finally able to speak, and he promptly shut up, leaning into her, eyes wide and heart pounding. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

She could sense his frown as he hung his head. “I mean, for one, you and I have barely talked at all in quite a while.”

“That’s true.”

“And, then, of course, I didn’t know if it was a bad idea to tell you, considering…”

She didn’t respond. He seemed to sink further to the ground, like the weight of the world was finally starting to become a burden. 

Still, he kept speaking. “And I didn’t know if you’d ever forgive me.”

Vanya was pretty certain her eyes had been back to brown for a moment now. “I didn’t know either,” she said weakly, thinking back to the way he had jumped from her room. She didn’t know if Five would have ever forgiven him for causing the apocalypse.

He winced at her words, and she played them back in her head before she realized he thought she had just told him that she’d never—

Oh no.

“I meant that,” she struggled with her words now. “I meant that I didn’t think you’d ever forgive me.”

“Oh,” he breathed. Before blinking—once, twice. He sounded hopeful when he whispered, “I’d forgiven you long ago, Vanya. Do you… Are you willing to forgive me?” 

“I am.”

Five’s eyes were reverent. “Vanya, I’m sor-“

“Can you say it?”

“Sorry?” Five frowned. “I was trying to before, but-“

“No, what you were trying to tell me.”

“What are you… oh!” 

“Tell me,” she pleaded. 

“Do you not see me as a best friend?” 

“I do see you as a best friend.” 

He nodded vigorously. “That’s okay! I understand! I’ll, uh-“

She yanked him forward, leaned over her bed, and pressed her lips to his own. He yelped, but as she reached out to grip his shoulders, he returned the kiss. Vanya tugged him onto her bed, and he obeyed her silent commands, crawling back on top of her, caging her between his legs again. 

“I can see you as a best friend and still want to fuck you, Five,” Vanya commented, mainly to see his reaction. 

It was golden; he actually _squeaked._

“I love you too. I didn’t realize… God, we’re idiots, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, I think we are.” 

“That’s okay,” she breathed. “Touch me, please.” 

He obeyed, palm pressing between her clothed legs. 

“Will you be able to control yourself?” Five asked. “With your powers?”

“Yeah, think so.” 

“Will you tell me? If you need me to stop at all?” 

She nodded, and he kissed her cheek. 

He seemed to realize then this was actually happening. “This is actually happening, isn’t it?” he asked. 

“Yeah.” 

“Holy shit.” 

“I wish I could record your reactions here, none of the others would ever take you seriously.”

“We probably are being recorded, actually, but you are _not_ allowed to let anyone know about this.”

“I don’t want to see a sixty year old cry, anyways.”

“Be nice.”

“Oh, is it your first time?” Vanya teased. 

“You’re actually the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, I rescind my love confession.”

“Don’t you want to fuck me first?”

“You’re going to kill me.”

“You’d probably like it.” 

“I hate you.”

“You _love_ me.”

“Unfortunately.”

She took off her pajama top, and he gaped at her bare chest. “Still unfortunate that you love me?” 

“You’re the greatest and most beautiful thing that has ever been created and loving you is a _gift.”_ He reached out, looking up at her with pleading eyes, and she laughed outright, grabbing his hand to palm against her breast. He quickly grew comfortable with it, thumbing against her hardening nipple, watching in fascination before reaching down and _licking_ it. She whimpered, and he ground out, “You’re _perfect._ I missed you so much. We’re going to get out of here, and we’re never going to be apart again. Okay?” 

She nodded, and he moved to kiss her again. “Fuck, I love you so much.”

“How long have you known?”

“I think I was getting there right before I left, but I was thirteen and confused about it. I read your book though, and eventually I understood. How did you?”

“I mean, obviously, I’ve always _loved_ you, but I didn’t know I was _in love_ with you until the second time around. That night when we were sixteen?” She ran her hand along his spine. “When you had that awful nightmare?”

“You realized you loved me when I had a dream that I’d killed you?”

“I realized I loved you,” Vanya corrected softly. “When the thought of you not caring about me after I’d ruined your life made it feel like a barbell was sitting on my chest.”

“Vanya, I’m sorry I wasn’t here for that,” he mumbled. “I should’ve been there to help you. It had to have been hard after…”

“You’re not Leonard,” Vanya insisted. “It was just… rough, is all. Knowing I loved you, that you were just a few rooms away, and I couldn’t have you. I missed you. You’re my best friend, you know, and it would’ve been easier if I could’ve talked to you about it.”

“We’re together now,” he promised. “We’ll make it work.”

“Will the others leave with us? If you asked them?”

“Undoubtedly. Each time we’re on a mission, Ben asks when we’re going to leave. I think he’s afraid he’ll die again.” 

“I want to get out of here as soon as possible,” Vanya whispered. 

“I’ll talk to the others in the morning. Get a bag packed, and we’ll go the second everyone is prepared. We’re even eighteen now, physically, so he has no power over whether or not we leave legally.”

“We’d be able to manage? Without any of his money?”

“I mean, I don’t mind stealing from him, but we also have Allison’s rumor and, in general, I think we’d be able to manage,” he reasoned. “You lived on your own without his money and so did Diego and Allison. Ben wouldn’t let Klaus be homeless again, either. We’ll be okay.”

“You sound certain.” 

“I wouldn’t let you be put in danger again. It’s why I stayed, even when I was convinced you hated me... I couldn’t handle the thought of you hurt, even if I kept my distance.” His voice shook as he said the words. “I’ll make sure you’re safe, V. I’ll take care of you, make sure you’re provided for. You don’t have to worry about that.” 

“What are we going to do, moving forward?”

“We could go to college if you wanted, and I’m going to invest in stocks that will do well in a few years while we’re still experiencing the 2007 recession and they’ll be cheaper.” 

“Is that considered insider trading?” Vanya asked, running her fingers through his hair. “Don’t you worry about sending yourself to prison?”

He smirked, confidence returning. “You think I can go to prison? With an ability to teleport?”

“Fair enough,” she breathed. Something about the air of confidence he was exuding made her want to be touched by him again. “Can we talk about this in a little bit?”

He leaned down to kiss her, flicking buttons off his shirt as he did. “I’ve wanted this so long, Vanya. Fuck, I can’t believe this.”

She kissed his cheek, “I know. I thought you’d hated me-“

“Never,” he cut in harshly. _“Never,_ Vanya.”

“Can I…” She cleared her throat. Even if it wasn’t her first time, it was _their_ first time. “Can I touch you, Five?”

He sucked in his breath, going pale, nodding fervently. She gently pushed him to where he was laying down on her bed, staring up at her. She crawled over him, so he was caged between her own thighs. His eyes dilated, following each of her movements with rapt attention. 

Her hand ran over the hair at his navel. “Did you ever think about this?”

 _“Yes,”_ he hissed. “Yes, everytime I…”

She leaned down and kissed his navel, watching in fascination at the way his dick twitched when she moved her head away. Interested, she palmed him over the Academy pajama pants. “You are not ever going to wear these again after tonight,” Vanya commanded, and he nodded. Idly, she wondered what else he’d agree to with her hand on him. “Tell me about what you thought about when you touched yourself, Five.”

 _“Vanya,”_ he groaned. 

“I gathered that you were thinking about _me,_ Five, I just want to hear what you fantasized me doing when you jerked off.” Vanya employed a tone somewhere between teasing and reprimanding, trying to rile him up.

Sufficient to say, it worked. His arrogance came back, full force, but then he’d always been cocky. “I’d think of your small mouth on my cock, commanding you how I wanted you.”

She flicked a brow up. “We both know you’d be crying and praising me, Five. It’s just us here.”

He scowled at her, “We’ll see.”

They were both right. 

She stripped him bare, running her fingers over his length and glancing up at him. Wanting to win, she made her voice sound disbelieving, she mumbled out, “You really do love me, don’t you?”

She hid behind her hair, imitating shyness, leaning down to kiss along his length. Five gripped her hair, “Yes, sweetheart, I love you. You’re so perfect, so good for me.” 

She smirked, despite herself, kitten-licking the tip. 

“Put your mouth on me, Vanya, take me in until you gag, okay?” He stroked her hair as he did. “I love your hair, it’s so... s-soft. Suck me off, Vanya. Do it for me, V.”

She obeyed the order he gave, pulling away as she did gag. When he saw her look up at him, he told her to wait until she was ready. She felt the need to correct that this wasn’t really ordering her around, so technically he hadn’t won, but she didn’t, catching her breath. When she was certain she was fine, she sank her mouth back down on him, listening to him bark out commands, apparently now mindful that she actually would gag on him. 

When he started struggling to speak, and she could hear him crying softly, he told her, “‘M gonna come, V. Swallow my cum. Can you do that?” 

She couldn’t exactly say she would, but when she heard him crying out expletives nonsensically, voice hoarse and choking, she prepared herself for it. He spilled into her mouth, and she swallowed down everything that did not dribble onto her chin. 

“Get up here,” he grunted, and she rose up to him. At the sight of his cum trickling down her chin, he started crying in earnest. 

“I love you, Five,” she kissed him, letting him taste himself. “And I really want you inside of me, right now. You can touch me as much as you want after, but I just need to feel you inside of me. Can you do that?”

“Yes, V, of course.” He looped his hand through the waistbands of her pajamas and panties, pushing them off of her impatiently. “Are you wet enough that you’re okay to do that, though? I don’t wanna hurt you.” 

She was plenty, but she allowed him to finger her a few moments until he was certain. 

“I don’t know if it’ll feel like the first time,” Five told her quickly. “If in this body, since you’re not used to it, that it’ll hurt. Just tell me what you need, okay?” 

“Can I be on top? It might help.” 

He nodded. She would be willing to bet this is the only time he’d ever relinquished control there, and she kissed his cheek gratefully, “Thank you.”

“Tell me if there’s any way to make it easier,” he told her softly, and she nodded, guiding him to her entrance. 

“We’ll be able to do this everyday when we’re out of here,” she said, sinking down onto him. He gripped her hips, and they waited a few beats for her to adjust. “We won’t have to worry about being quiet or getting caught.” 

He smirked, “I actively encourage you not to be quiet now, actually.”

She jerked her hips sharply to shut him up. 

It worked.

She leaned back, tipping her head back so her long hair spilled onto the bed. Vanya could sense his eyes on her tits, and she grabbed his hand and shoved it to her chest. “Touch me like you did before.”

He obliged, not even making a sarcastic remark as he pinched her nipple before rolling it until it was as painfully erect as before. “You’re so pretty, V.” 

She heard the lightbulb of her desk lamp shatter. 

“I’m _very_ excited to explore that more,” he said, running his thumb over her clit. “Was it what we’re doing, Vanya? Or was it that I praised you? You want me to praise you more, angel?”

She clenched around him. 

“You want me to talk about how the feeling of you around my cock is better than I could have possibly fantasized about? How you’re barely even moving but you’re infinitely better than anybody else I’ve fucked, V?”

She ground her hips against him, hearing the windows rattling like they were about to break. She wondered if a part of him wanted to see this mansion crumble _again._ Wanted her to be riding him desperately while her powers took over her, wanted to see the place, where all their first traumas had formed, collapse with his own eyes. Wanted to watch as her eyes turned white, knowing that she was impossibly powerful.

 _“Easy,_ Vanya, rein it in, okay?” 

She nodded, knowing her eyes returned to a dull brown. 

“Your eyes are so beautiful,” he murmured, as if he could read her line of thoughts, touching her cheek. “So expressive. Y-you could get me to do anything if you just widened those little doe eyes.” 

She could feel her powers easing down, her having control over them instead. 

“Good girl,” he crooned, rubbing his thumb over her clit. At his praise, the window did shatter, but he didn’t reproach her for it. _“Good_ girl.” 

She moaned, and he jerked his hips up.

“K-keep doing that,” she pleaded. 

“Okay, V,” he said, moving her on him with his hands, thrusting up into her so that he was doing all of the work. “I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you.”

She felt herself clench again, and Five moved his thumb more insistently. “You like that thought, V? Me taking care of you?”

She nodded, biting her lip so hard that she tasted the coppery taste of her own blood. 

“I’ll be good for you, be good to you always. Take care of you, keep you safe. Make you feel good, my sweet Vanya,” he continued, groaning at the way her cum was flowing freely at his words. “You get wet so easily, V. Have you always been this way? Or is it just for me?”

“N-not sure,” she said, rolling her hips. “I could barely even feel desire at all with the pills. Had to do a lot to feel anything.”

“I’ll kill him before we leave,” Five promised, voice sweet. “I’ll cut his head off his body and give it to you, if you’d like. You used to hate even seeing the blood on my uniforms after missions though, didn’t you? Are you still squeamish when you’ve killed seven and a half billion people, my love?”

Inadvertently, she squirmed. He noticed, smirk growing, eyebrows lifting up, “Does the thought of Father dying _turn you on_ , little sister?”

She yelped, clenching as he called her his sister. It wasn’t true, she understood. It was a lie that Reginald had told them in hopes of having a common story to tell anybody who looked too close into trafficking seven children. If they called him ‘Father,’ they’d look the other way. Having a billionaire for an abuser was infinitely harder to manage. 

“I’ll make sure he suffers, for hurting you,” Five said. “For letting you ever think that _this,_ what we feel, is wrong. I’ll make sure every pain he gives us is brought back to him, making him suffer ten times as worse. You want that, V? My destructive, sweet, shy Vanya?” 

She shrieked, and she was coming on him, feeling the slickness falling onto his dick and unable to escape the dam he’d released. Vanya felt his cum filling her, heard her yelling his name loud enough that anybody could hear, even without the room being bugged. 

They’d break out of the cage together. And they’d soon kill the one who entrapped them in it. They were as large as the world, and they’d end it if it meant ending the man who’d first thrust it upon their shoulders. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!!! Another reminder to check out the fivevanya tumblr for the fiveya week rules. Fiveya week will be November 1st- November 7th.   
> The prompts will be:  
> Day 1: Memories  
> Day 2: Dance/ Train  
> Day 3: Childhood  
> Day 4: Sparrow AU  
> Day 5: Guilt  
> Day 6: Endings/Beginnings   
> Day 7: Free


End file.
